There comes a point on every journey when decisions have to be made; give up, turn around, stay still, change direction, or press on. I have reached a decision point in my journey like Red in the Shawshank Redemption: "Get busy living or get busy dying....that's goddamn right!"
I can choose to be in permanent funk about my set backs or I can choose to accept them and move forward. My worth and value as a human being is not determined by a number on the scale, or the size suit I wear, the condition of my body, the firmness of my muscles, the flexibility of my limbs, or the time of my swim, bike, and run.
On any given day the scale will report that I either gained weight, lost weight, or maintained my weight. Is it disappointing after working really hard to see a weight gain? Hell yes!! Is it frustrating not to reach and maintain a 11 minute mile? Damn skippy!! Is it humiliating and embarrassing to have a bike chain come off and break during a baby incline? Of course it is! Is it tiring to reach and pull on every stroke only to feel like I'm going nowhere fast? You better believe it!! Immediately I say to myself WTF!!! Then I begin down the road of self-negation...I'm not good enough...I'll never be fit and trim..Might as well stop and give up.. What's the point? But, I realize I can either throw a pity party or move forward one step at a time. I have a decision to make: "Get busy living or get busy dying?"
My Run Club coach gave me a power article to read about Matthew Long, the New York firefighter, triathlete, adrenaline junkie, ladies man, all around life of the party who had had to learn how to live again after being impaled and crushed by 20-ton bus while riding his bike on his way to a training. By the end of his story I was in tears. His goal was to run a 26.2 miles with one leg shorter than the other, mangled hammer toes, and a titanium rod in his leg. He had decisions to make all through his 40 surguries, extensive rehab, and painful training. The day of the marathon he decisions to make "do I quit or keep going?" He was fortunate to have buddies that pushed him when he needed and supported him when he reached his limit and encouraged him when he was down. In the end he had a decision to make "Get busy living or get busy dying? That's goddamn right!"
The spirit of Invictus (William Ernest Henly) is encouraging me to stay the course at this decision making moment in my life:
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced or cried aloud
Under the bludeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how straight the gait,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul.
What decisions do you need to make?
If you took time to read this feel free to leave a comment.
Peace & Blessings on Your Journey
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Going with the flow
So, this morning everything was completely off track. It started last night with missing two workout classes and attending a late meeting at Buffalo Wild Wings where I completely blew my calorie consumption. It tasted good going down, I'm not going to lie but, man did I felt terrible in the morning!!
Back to the story at hand, I wake up late feeling hung over (no I did not drink, except for five Arnold Palmer's, I needed something to wash all that goodness down with but, I digress) and lethargic. I get my clothes ready to head for an early morning class (my Run Coach and Trainer are going to kill me when they read this. Sorry, Morgan and Nicole) get to the car, pull off get a call that I forgot my glasses then decided: "O well I'm not going to make it to class might as well go back home and get ready for work"
Thank goodness my wife asked: "Do you want to go for a quick run?" I replied 'might as well since I'm already dressed to workout'. So, in the pre-dawn chill of the early morning we take off.
I was going to run for only a mile but one mile turned into almost three.
Moral of the story? Sometimes things don't go as planned, when this happens pause breathe and go with the flow. You never know what's in store.
If you took time to read this feel free to leave a comment on how you go with the flow and the lessons learned.
Peace & Blessings On Your Journey :)
Back to the story at hand, I wake up late feeling hung over (no I did not drink, except for five Arnold Palmer's, I needed something to wash all that goodness down with but, I digress) and lethargic. I get my clothes ready to head for an early morning class (my Run Coach and Trainer are going to kill me when they read this. Sorry, Morgan and Nicole) get to the car, pull off get a call that I forgot my glasses then decided: "O well I'm not going to make it to class might as well go back home and get ready for work"
Thank goodness my wife asked: "Do you want to go for a quick run?" I replied 'might as well since I'm already dressed to workout'. So, in the pre-dawn chill of the early morning we take off.
I was going to run for only a mile but one mile turned into almost three.
Moral of the story? Sometimes things don't go as planned, when this happens pause breathe and go with the flow. You never know what's in store.
If you took time to read this feel free to leave a comment on how you go with the flow and the lessons learned.
Peace & Blessings On Your Journey :)
Monday, September 23, 2013
Cool Runnings
A wonderful movie about unlikely bobsledders from Jamaica is Cool Running, which means Peace be the journey.
I am an unlikely triathlete with my age and size working against me of ever winning a World Championship Ironman Endurance Race. However, I am reminded to be present and, at peace on the journey.
This does not mean the journey won't be taxing emotionally, physically, mentally, and financially. Moving through the challenges with awareness grace and mercy will empower me to stay connected when the extremes kick in; extreme heat,cold, exhaustion, etc..
Cool Running is staying in the zone in-spite of the obstacles and challenges that come your way.
Peace & Blessings on Your Journey.
I am an unlikely triathlete with my age and size working against me of ever winning a World Championship Ironman Endurance Race. However, I am reminded to be present and, at peace on the journey.
This does not mean the journey won't be taxing emotionally, physically, mentally, and financially. Moving through the challenges with awareness grace and mercy will empower me to stay connected when the extremes kick in; extreme heat,cold, exhaustion, etc..
Cool Running is staying in the zone in-spite of the obstacles and challenges that come your way.
Peace & Blessings on Your Journey.
Friday, September 20, 2013
Bridging the Gap
I've been thinking about bridges lately. When I was younger I was afraid of bridges, especially wooden bridges that swayed when you walked on them!! Bridges serve as a way to get from Point A to Point B. They help the transition from one place to the next.
I remember fairy tales of trolls lurking under bridges forbidding access and safe passage to would be travelers. Leaving the individual stuck looking at the gap from where they are and where they want to be.
I have an idea or ideal of where I would like to be by next year but, at times the gap seems too wide to cross, the bridge seems shaky, and the trolls are demanding an exacting price. When I am approaching the point of frustration of not getting the results I want on timed trials, or not achieving desired weight goals, or not optimizing a yoga or palliates position; I remind myself that this is a season of transition. I am not where I want to be (there is much room for improvement!!) But, I am not where I was (I've come a long way!!)
If I remain open I am confident a way will appear to Bridge the Gap!!
For those that took time to journey with me bless you!! Please feel free to leave comments to any post I deeply appreciate them.
Peace & Blessings on Your Journey!!
I remember fairy tales of trolls lurking under bridges forbidding access and safe passage to would be travelers. Leaving the individual stuck looking at the gap from where they are and where they want to be.
I have an idea or ideal of where I would like to be by next year but, at times the gap seems too wide to cross, the bridge seems shaky, and the trolls are demanding an exacting price. When I am approaching the point of frustration of not getting the results I want on timed trials, or not achieving desired weight goals, or not optimizing a yoga or palliates position; I remind myself that this is a season of transition. I am not where I want to be (there is much room for improvement!!) But, I am not where I was (I've come a long way!!)
If I remain open I am confident a way will appear to Bridge the Gap!!
For those that took time to journey with me bless you!! Please feel free to leave comments to any post I deeply appreciate them.
Peace & Blessings on Your Journey!!
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Traveling Light
Over the years I've noticed how much stuff I have accumulated...clothes, books, exercise equipment, shoes, etc. etc. It's a lot of freakin' stuff!! Just like material stuff I've accumulated a lot of inner stuff....fear, anger, sadness, etc. etc. I am coming to the awareness that all my stuff is weighing me down making it difficult for me to traverse the hills and valleys on my journey.
When I was an undergraduate student working on a B.S degree I would get a break in the action taking advantage of the opportunity to go home. Every semester, during season breaks I, would gather all my stuff and lug it across campus to the bus, or through the town to the train. Imagine several large bags bursting at the seams weighing upwards of 50pounds each!! I carried that stuff through the freezing cold and rain, the blistering heat and pain. I can't describe how long and arduous it was to walk with all that stuff!!
I learned a valuable lesson about traveling light. Recently, I was at the airport with too much stuff in my check-in bags. I discovered that carrying much stuff will cost you in more ways than one. In order for me to continue my journey and, not pay the extra money the airline was trying to charge, I had to lighten my load and rearrange my stuff.
I am learning that in order for me to travel light on my journey toward integrated health it is important for me to drop the emotional baggage I have been carrying for a long time and reconfigure my stuff to carry it differently.
Yes, I've had some pain and disappointments, heartaches and losses, mistakes and failures. Life for me "has been no crystal stair" however in-spite of my pain I am choosing to my unpack my stuff and travel light.
If you took time to read this feel free to leave a comment. What do you need to leave behind to travel light?
Peace & Blessings on Your Journey.
When I was an undergraduate student working on a B.S degree I would get a break in the action taking advantage of the opportunity to go home. Every semester, during season breaks I, would gather all my stuff and lug it across campus to the bus, or through the town to the train. Imagine several large bags bursting at the seams weighing upwards of 50pounds each!! I carried that stuff through the freezing cold and rain, the blistering heat and pain. I can't describe how long and arduous it was to walk with all that stuff!!
I learned a valuable lesson about traveling light. Recently, I was at the airport with too much stuff in my check-in bags. I discovered that carrying much stuff will cost you in more ways than one. In order for me to continue my journey and, not pay the extra money the airline was trying to charge, I had to lighten my load and rearrange my stuff.
I am learning that in order for me to travel light on my journey toward integrated health it is important for me to drop the emotional baggage I have been carrying for a long time and reconfigure my stuff to carry it differently.
Yes, I've had some pain and disappointments, heartaches and losses, mistakes and failures. Life for me "has been no crystal stair" however in-spite of my pain I am choosing to my unpack my stuff and travel light.
If you took time to read this feel free to leave a comment. What do you need to leave behind to travel light?
Peace & Blessings on Your Journey.
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Finding Balance
I saw a good movie years ago with Keanu Reeves called "Little Buddha" it tells the story of how a rich prince after encountering suffering for the first time began a quest for "enlightenment". The prince went to extremes in search for awakened presence. While living with ascetic hermits for a long period of time, going Au Natural (discard to personal hygine) for months on end, he saw and heard a man playing a string instrument in a boat traveling down the river. Watching and listening this man create beautiful music from his string instrument the prince came to this awareness: "If the strings are too tight they will break and music will be lost. If the strings are too slack no sound can be produced."
On my journey I am discovering the wisdom of this profound truth. Too much exercrise with little fuel and sleep results in painful injury causing my body and spirit to break down. Too stringent a diet with no execrise and strecething puts my body and soul into starvation mode depleting me physically and emotionally.
For me the awareness to do inner and outer work is finding the courage to let my soul sing through engaged abundant living. Abundant living is not limited to wealth and material things, I have none (although it would be nice to experience those things),for me, aabundant living is integrated living where I LOVE the person I see in the mirror imperfections and all.
I did not have good balance as young boy, I would tip over and fall easily. My sister and brother had a natural balance so much so that they took to riding a bike like a bird takes to soaring through the air. Unfortunately my experience of learning how to ride was much different!! I fell numerous times trying to find my balance to ride. After a more than what felt like a thousand painful falls and crashes I reached my breaking point, throwing my bike down in defeat desapair, never to attempt to ride again. But, my great-grandmother, who paid good money for that bike was determined I was going to ride even if it killed me!!! After scolding me she gave me words to live by that I will never forget: "Never let anything conquer, you you conquer it" After drying my eyes and dusting my self off for the thousandth time, I got back on my bike found my balance and began to ride.
There are times on my journey when everything is working well and there are times when everything feels like it is falling apart. However I remember the lessons of the prince and my great grandmother: to be present in the moment, accept life as it comes, while remaining open, to achieve balance.
If you took the time to read this, It is my heart's desire that you continue to find balance in your life.
Peace & Blessings On Your Journey :)
On my journey I am discovering the wisdom of this profound truth. Too much exercrise with little fuel and sleep results in painful injury causing my body and spirit to break down. Too stringent a diet with no execrise and strecething puts my body and soul into starvation mode depleting me physically and emotionally.
For me the awareness to do inner and outer work is finding the courage to let my soul sing through engaged abundant living. Abundant living is not limited to wealth and material things, I have none (although it would be nice to experience those things),for me, aabundant living is integrated living where I LOVE the person I see in the mirror imperfections and all.
I did not have good balance as young boy, I would tip over and fall easily. My sister and brother had a natural balance so much so that they took to riding a bike like a bird takes to soaring through the air. Unfortunately my experience of learning how to ride was much different!! I fell numerous times trying to find my balance to ride. After a more than what felt like a thousand painful falls and crashes I reached my breaking point, throwing my bike down in defeat desapair, never to attempt to ride again. But, my great-grandmother, who paid good money for that bike was determined I was going to ride even if it killed me!!! After scolding me she gave me words to live by that I will never forget: "Never let anything conquer, you you conquer it" After drying my eyes and dusting my self off for the thousandth time, I got back on my bike found my balance and began to ride.
There are times on my journey when everything is working well and there are times when everything feels like it is falling apart. However I remember the lessons of the prince and my great grandmother: to be present in the moment, accept life as it comes, while remaining open, to achieve balance.
If you took the time to read this, It is my heart's desire that you continue to find balance in your life.
Peace & Blessings On Your Journey :)
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Stayinig Connected
When I was in seventh or eighth grade my class took a field trip from the South of Chicago to the Indiana Dunes. When we arrived we were told all about dune formation and other geological facts that escape me in my advanced years :) Of all the information I received that day I remember that Mt. Baldy was the oldest and biggest of the sand dunes in the area. We had to climb Mt. Baldy to get to the other side where the beach and Lake Michigan is nestled.
Not being athletically inclined or physically fit like my classmates it was a real challenge for me to make the climb and get to the other side. Every time I made two steps forward I slid four steps behind. Needless to say that I got to know Mt. Baldy in a "special way".
As my classmates are running up and down the "mountain" I'm getting increasingly frustrated and angry with self defeating thoughts going off in my head: "What's wrong with you? Why can't you make it up the mountain? Why don't you quit, you loser?" These thoughts were intensified and reinforced by the not so kind teasing of my classmates. Yet, something inside of me said keep going don't stop. My battle with the mountain went on for what felt like an eternity but, in actually it was more like half the day until finally I reached the top!!
Fast forward a few years later, Mt. Baldy teaches me the necessity of staying connected with myself. I have discovered that is so easy to live outside myself by either killing myself to be accepted or feeling worthless and when I can't keep up.
I know now, that the secret to the climb,swim, bike, run is not about trying to be the fastest and get bragging rights "look at me"..."I'm somebody because I did: X,Y, or Z. in such a such time" Don't get me wrong, I would love to win my division or age group!! Being in the field with fellow athletes is a rush!! There will always be another Mt. Baldy to climb, a race to run, an IronMan to attempt and finish. But, if I lose connection with myself what's the point?
Every Triathlete has her or his personal reasons for training and reaching the "moment of truth". For me, I am learning about myself and what my body is capable of and it feels amazing!!! The juice is definitely worth the squeeze!! :) It will be wonderful to hear those six glorious words: "Melvin Jones You Are An Ironman" As much as I would love to hear those magnificent words; I continue on the journey endeavouring to remain connected to myself whether I hear them or not.
If you took time to read this:
Peace & Blessings On Your Journey
Not being athletically inclined or physically fit like my classmates it was a real challenge for me to make the climb and get to the other side. Every time I made two steps forward I slid four steps behind. Needless to say that I got to know Mt. Baldy in a "special way".
As my classmates are running up and down the "mountain" I'm getting increasingly frustrated and angry with self defeating thoughts going off in my head: "What's wrong with you? Why can't you make it up the mountain? Why don't you quit, you loser?" These thoughts were intensified and reinforced by the not so kind teasing of my classmates. Yet, something inside of me said keep going don't stop. My battle with the mountain went on for what felt like an eternity but, in actually it was more like half the day until finally I reached the top!!
Fast forward a few years later, Mt. Baldy teaches me the necessity of staying connected with myself. I have discovered that is so easy to live outside myself by either killing myself to be accepted or feeling worthless and when I can't keep up.
I know now, that the secret to the climb,swim, bike, run is not about trying to be the fastest and get bragging rights "look at me"..."I'm somebody because I did: X,Y, or Z. in such a such time" Don't get me wrong, I would love to win my division or age group!! Being in the field with fellow athletes is a rush!! There will always be another Mt. Baldy to climb, a race to run, an IronMan to attempt and finish. But, if I lose connection with myself what's the point?
Every Triathlete has her or his personal reasons for training and reaching the "moment of truth". For me, I am learning about myself and what my body is capable of and it feels amazing!!! The juice is definitely worth the squeeze!! :) It will be wonderful to hear those six glorious words: "Melvin Jones You Are An Ironman" As much as I would love to hear those magnificent words; I continue on the journey endeavouring to remain connected to myself whether I hear them or not.
If you took time to read this:
Peace & Blessings On Your Journey
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Interest, desire, and movitativation
When I worked as an admissions counselor for an online University, I was taught to discover a potential student's IDM (interest, desire, and motivation) and then use their IDM as a way to encourage them on their educational journey.
When I started this journey of weight loss and becoming a Triathlete I was asked: "why are you doing this?" "why now?" "what is your end goal?" These are thought provoking questions that surface when my mouth is dry and its 2 miles to the next aid station, or when my ankle screams at me early in the morning when I get out of bed, or when its extremely hot, extremely cold, or extremely precipitous. When these questions raise under the adverse conditions I listed, I am reminded to stay in touch with myself.
I am evolving in my awareness of staying in touch with myself. Being able to feel the surge of power in my legs on a sprint, or feel the long and strong pull and glide through the water as a rotate my hips and shoulders, or conquer that damn hill, that comes at the beginning and end of every race, by using every muscle in body down to my eyelashes!!
My IDM comes from transforming my unbearable pain to livable disappointment. One of my run coaches gave me wrist ban that I wear now when starting a race it says: "Run Your Run" I have added to it Run Your Run Because Its Fun Until Its Done! My IDM is not to over perform nor under perform but just be present on the journey and sooner or later transformation happens and the real me emerges from a cocoon that has long sense served its purpose. There is a wonderful scene at the end of the WIZ when Evil-Leanne is defeated and the workers in the sweat shed their old skins and emerge singing: "Can't you feel a Brand New Day!"
Being in touch with myself inside and outside is my IDM for continuing on this journey. To answer the question I raised before: "Why now?" If, not now when!
Peace & Blessings on Your Journey
When I started this journey of weight loss and becoming a Triathlete I was asked: "why are you doing this?" "why now?" "what is your end goal?" These are thought provoking questions that surface when my mouth is dry and its 2 miles to the next aid station, or when my ankle screams at me early in the morning when I get out of bed, or when its extremely hot, extremely cold, or extremely precipitous. When these questions raise under the adverse conditions I listed, I am reminded to stay in touch with myself.
I am evolving in my awareness of staying in touch with myself. Being able to feel the surge of power in my legs on a sprint, or feel the long and strong pull and glide through the water as a rotate my hips and shoulders, or conquer that damn hill, that comes at the beginning and end of every race, by using every muscle in body down to my eyelashes!!
My IDM comes from transforming my unbearable pain to livable disappointment. One of my run coaches gave me wrist ban that I wear now when starting a race it says: "Run Your Run" I have added to it Run Your Run Because Its Fun Until Its Done! My IDM is not to over perform nor under perform but just be present on the journey and sooner or later transformation happens and the real me emerges from a cocoon that has long sense served its purpose. There is a wonderful scene at the end of the WIZ when Evil-Leanne is defeated and the workers in the sweat shed their old skins and emerge singing: "Can't you feel a Brand New Day!"
Being in touch with myself inside and outside is my IDM for continuing on this journey. To answer the question I raised before: "Why now?" If, not now when!
Peace & Blessings on Your Journey
Sunday, September 8, 2013
First Steps
It has been said every journey begins with the first step. When I was younger, traveling with my family, I would always ask "Are we there yet?" My question would usually be meet with silence, an irritated "no", or a sarcastic "do you have something better to do?" I responded with a frustrated sigh and would promptly go to sleep.
The metaphor of sleeping has profound significance for me. I like sleeping when it is pleasant, restful, adventurous, or exotic. However, when it is full with fears, worries, doubts, and uncertainties my sweet dreams become living nightmares that are hard to wake up from.
I am approaching a season in my life where I am waking up. When I was younger I choose to stay sleep to deal with the boredom, heartache, grief, anxiety and frustration of the journey. Now that I am nearing a watershed moment in my life I'm realizing that life to meant to be lived fully awake. For me this means accepting the joy and the pain, the losses and the gains, the good times and the bad and still continue on the journey.
A colleague helped me appreciate that to move forward in my life I need to reclaim my past,. the moments when I was sleep, consciously or unconsciously. It is the reclamation and reconciliation of my past that grounds me in the present moment, creating opportunities for the future.
When I started training in earnest for my new and emerging passion, becoming a triathlete, I realized I had a long way to go. I would often ask myself, "am I there yet". In fact, I ask myself this question every time I reach the half way point of the swim, bike, or run. Its at that point that I remind myself: It's all about the journey....stay connected....keeping feeling your way through....you will get there...
Whoever took the time to read this: Peace & Blessings on Your Journey
The metaphor of sleeping has profound significance for me. I like sleeping when it is pleasant, restful, adventurous, or exotic. However, when it is full with fears, worries, doubts, and uncertainties my sweet dreams become living nightmares that are hard to wake up from.
I am approaching a season in my life where I am waking up. When I was younger I choose to stay sleep to deal with the boredom, heartache, grief, anxiety and frustration of the journey. Now that I am nearing a watershed moment in my life I'm realizing that life to meant to be lived fully awake. For me this means accepting the joy and the pain, the losses and the gains, the good times and the bad and still continue on the journey.
A colleague helped me appreciate that to move forward in my life I need to reclaim my past,. the moments when I was sleep, consciously or unconsciously. It is the reclamation and reconciliation of my past that grounds me in the present moment, creating opportunities for the future.
When I started training in earnest for my new and emerging passion, becoming a triathlete, I realized I had a long way to go. I would often ask myself, "am I there yet". In fact, I ask myself this question every time I reach the half way point of the swim, bike, or run. Its at that point that I remind myself: It's all about the journey....stay connected....keeping feeling your way through....you will get there...
Whoever took the time to read this: Peace & Blessings on Your Journey
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