I AM STILL HERE!

Sunday I participated in my second Shamrock Shuffle. It is a 8k (4.9 mile) race that officially begins the running season in Chicago. So,  me and 31,000 fellow shufflers pounded the pavement of Chicago's downtown streets.

When there are that many people running you will always find someone you know which the fun part of the race the pre/post race gathering. I started the race with folks I knew along the way I tried to keep the pace the crowd was setting. My internal judge and critic was working overtime comparing my form and pace with everyone around me.

When I saw my results I was emotionally deflated. The harder I worked at breaking free from my inner judge/critic the more judgemental I become of myself. I judge my inner judge and  a vicious cycle is created.

I am learning that my judge has something important to say to me, so the issue for me is not trying to ignore my inner judge or fire my inner judge we have been together all my life. My inner judge is the sum total of all my childhood conditioning to be critical, mistrustful and self-doubting. My inner is the compilation of all the negativity of people who ever punished me, teased me, bullied me, abandoned me and rejected me. Me and my inner have a history together that can't be ignored or denied. The issue is not about fighting to silence my inner judge. The issue is how do I handle my judge?

Become aware of it. Accept it. Express it.

So, I say to my inner judge/critic bring it on! Yes my time was slow, yes my form was not great, yes I'm carrying extra weight, Yes my breathing was off, Yes I thought I did worse than I expected, But, I AM STILL HERE!  My knees hurt But, I AM STILL HERE! My ankle is tight But, I AM STILL HERE! I feel dejected But, I AM STILL HERE! I didn't complete the race in under an hour But, I AM STILL HERE!

So I say to my inner judge/critic I hear you loud and clear. It is what, it is But, I AM STILL HERE!

Peace and Blessings on Your Journey